April 24, 2021
Na’Keia Warren: When did your family first arrive in Richmond, California?
Lydia Stewart: My father, John Stewart, arrived in Richmond, California during the 1960s after graduating from San Francisco College of Mortuary Science. That’s where he learned the art of embalming, as well as funeral directing. When he came to Richmond, he worked for a gentleman by the name of Charles Williams who owned Rose Manor Funeral Service since the early 1950s. Mr. Williams was in his early 30s when he passed away from leukemia, soon after my father came on board. After Mr. Williams’ death, my father changed the name to Stewart’s Rose Manor Funeral Service. My father was born and raised in Texas. His life in Texas wasn’t bad at all. His family owned and operated over 100 acres of farmland where he worked along with his two brothers. The farm employed many workers, including pilots, to fly over the crops and spray insecticides to ensure a healthy harvest. Many workers were utilized for their harvest. It was a well-run farm. My father learned about hard work, dedication, and excellence from his parents. It was very rare for a Black family to own and operate a large farm or any business successfully in the 1930s, 40s, or 50s, especially in the South.
NW: What do you admire most about your father, John Stewart?
LS: My father graduated summa cum laude from Prairie View A & M University in Texas at age eighteen. All of his brothers attended college at Prairie View as well. Their mother, my grandmother, was a principal and teacher. My grandmother’s siblings went to college and some taught and studied abroad. My father pursued student teaching as a science teacher. He intended to go to medical school before he met and married my mother. However, he was drafted into the army and spent time in Europe while serving. When he returned, he came home to his wife and his beautiful baby boy, my brother. Since he had a family and was the primary breadwinner, he no longer pursued medical school. His will to be successful was the determining factor in his choice to become a mortician and funeral director. He combined his scientific knowledge with his business acumen.
I admire his tenacity, which came from his upbringing. He told me that he started working when he was three-years-old. I believe him because I started working when I was about five or six-years-old at the funeral home. We lived above it for some time and then moved to El Cerrito, California. I remember as a child folding the chairs, unfolding them, and setting them up for services. I remember taking out the garbage and answering the door. My mother would dress me up in pretty little dresses that ballooned out at the waist. I’d wear ruffled socks and black patent leather shoes. The whole family worked, including my mother and brothers. It was a family business. Many of the businesses that we patronized were Black-owned. There were grocery stores, beauty shops, barbershops, restaurants, boutiques and churches – all Black. There was a true Black community. Blacks worked together. They knew and supported each other.
NW: Can you talk about your experience growing up in the mortuary business?
LS: I lived above the business from an infant to age five. However, I was at the business all the time – after school and in the summer. Living above it was fine with me; it was home. When I would tell some of the kids what my parents did, they’d say, ‘Oh.’ I learned from their reaction, ‘Don’t tell everybody what your parents do, or what you do.’ Death is very normal for me. It’s so much a part of life. I’m always very cognizant of my mortality. I’m very thankful for each day. Death is not abnormal because I deal with it every day. However, I understand it is not normal for other people. When it comes, it comes as a tragedy. Sometimes it comes unexpectedly. Sometimes it’s a release, because maybe they’ve seen their loved one go through a lot of pain, suffering, and sorrow. That’s hard. I don’t believe death is the end. I believe that when we pass, we transition to another sphere. If this is all there is, then my living is in vain.
NW: My maternal grandmother, an Arkansas native, would use the term ‘cooling board’ when referencing the deceased. What is a cooling board?
LS: The cooling board is a board that your loved one would lay on. In the country, sometimes getting to a mortuary or mortician wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Sometimes you couldn’t get the body embalmed in a timely manner. The body must stay as cool as possible, especially in hot weather. In the summer, things must be done immediately. Decomposition begins immediately. People would lay the decedent out on the cooling board, which had holes to allow excretions to drop. Ice was oftentimes used to keep the remains as cool as possible. Sometimes remains were dressed or a blanket was used to cover them, so people could view and pay their respects. When a person has been embalmed, it retards the decomposition. Embalming is the temporary preservation of a person’s body. For health, sanitary, and sterilization reasons, embalming is performed before having a public viewing.
NW: I’m a huge proponent of estate planning and writing one’s own obituary. I believe that there’s power in writing your own story. For some people, it may feel like ushering in one’s mortality. What is your perspective?
LS: I think planning is good if you’re ready. If you’re not ready to plan your transition, I don’t think you should do it. I do think it’s important, especially if you’re sick and death is imminent. It’s important to get your people ready. Those that you leave behind are dealing with certain parameters and timeframes. You can only hold the body out for so long. There are decisions that have to be made. It’s important that the funeral services go right because this is it! The worse thing is to look back and think, ‘I just let my loved one go and didn’t really honor their memory, or the life we shared. I didn’t let the world know how important that person was to me. I didn’t allow myself to go through the process of honoring that person.’
Planning makes it a lot easier for the family. You don’t have to know everything. However, have a conversation about what you want to happen upon your death. Sometimes people pass and the bereaved don’t have a clue; that’s hard. My people know exactly what I want. My husband knows what I want, and I know what my husband wants. We’re not planning to die, but the truth of the matter is, me talking about it isn’t going to make me go any sooner or later. I’m going to go when it’s my time. I’m not trying to rush it. I’m not trying to delay it. I’m just trying to be ready. When I go, I want to be honored. Hopefully people feel that way about their loved ones. They’re worthy to be honored. Life is to be honored.
Planning also helps the bereaved to transition. Their loved one is gone in the physical realm, but they’re still here in the hearts and minds of the bereaved. I think that people just don’t think about the spiritual realm. I think that before we’re physical bodies, we’re spirits first. Our spirits are much stronger than the physical body. That’s why you can be comforted by certain people while others upset your psyche to your core. I believe that true communication and understanding are on a spiritual realm. Sometimes we’re so limited in what we can do physically. I’m a dancer. I can listen to music and my spirit can dance to it. I can see me doing all kinds of things that my body can no longer do, but my spirit can do it.
A lot of times people think death breaks families apart. Not always. I’ve seen some beautiful things come out of funerals. I’ve seen people come together and families get stronger. There are some sad things that can happen because of death. Death in itself is sad because we’re saying goodbye, and oftentimes we’re not ready. I think that no matter what, life is to be celebrated. Life is to be celebrated because we take it for granted so often and we shouldn’t.
NW: Trust is vital in any community. Can you talk about the importance of trust in relation to your business?
LS: It’s an honor. This is your loved one, someone that you have loved all your life and you’re entrusting them to us. You’re trusting us to make them look their best in this altered state. You’re trusting us to give you an everlasting memory. You’re trusting us to make this as easy, effortless, and beautiful as possible and that’s an honor. It’s an honor because we’re serving. First, I feel that I’m serving God and second, I’m serving the people. You have to take an oath when you do what I do. You’re taking an oath to act with the utmost of integrity.
NW: What changes, if any, have you seen in the funeral services industry?
LS: For a while back in the 1980s and 1990s, big corporations were buying out small family-owned and operated funeral homes. Thank the Lord they didn’t buy us out! In the late 1990s and early 2000s, they started selling some of the funeral homes back because corporations didn’t make the profits they had anticipated.
NW: How did COVID-19 impact you or your business in 2020?
LS: I’ve had to stay as balanced as possible. I’m serving families that were unable to see their loved ones prior to death because they were at a convalescent hospital or medical facility that prohibited them from visiting. The bereaved have really had restrictions that are going to affect them for the rest of their lives. I’ve had young adults in their early 20s who hadn’t seen their mother in weeks. She was in the hospital with COVID-19 and they couldn’t visit her. When they were finally able to see their mother after numerous weeks in the hospital, they viewed her in a casket. I’ve serviced spouses whose mates died alone. The ability to have funerals and viewings have been nullified in some months and extremely regulated in others.
NW: What does your self-care regimen look like?
LS: Self-care has been really difficult because of the things that I like. I’m a dancer. I love the performing arts – going to the ballet, opera, and concerts. I love all types of music, including jazz, gospel, and classical. I also enjoy going to the movies, dining out, and traveling. All the things I really, really enjoy and that give me balance have been placed on hold. Balance is important because I can’t help you unless I’m okay. I didn’t say ‘great’, but at least okay. I just have to figure it out. It might be writing in my journal a little longer, or praying a little longer. It might be listening less to one type of music and a little more gospel or classical. God gets me through. When I tell my people that God will get them through, I can’t be a hypocrite. I must practice what I preach.
I think one thing good that has come from COVID-19 is that people see the need for social activities and entertainment. My biggest fear was that so much was going to be taken over by technology. I hope that if COVID-19 has done anything, it has put technology in its place. I hope we see the value of people, service, using our own brains and bodies, moving about, working collectively, and creating – not allowing others to create for us or relying on social media. That’s the importance of social interaction.
NW: You mentioned the economic impact on family-owned businesses in the 1980s and 1990s. Gentrification, like COVID-19, continues to plague communities formerly classified as ghettos. Why haven’t you sold your business? Why are you still in Richmond, California?
LS: Richmond is home. My father was wooed many times by large corporations to see if he would sell, but he wanted something for his children. He wanted something for posterity. He could’ve sold the mortuary and retired anywhere he wanted. He was dedicated and continued to serve, even conducting a funeral on the day of his passing. So, the notion of selling the mortuary was never a thought for me. However, when my father passed, there were many offers. My father loved what he did and was very good at it. I’m not saying it because he’s my father, but he was known for his embalming. He was just gifted. Not only was he gifted with the transformation of bodies by making them look beautiful, but he was a very astute businessman. He was loved and he loved people. Richmond was his home.
NW: What gems are you willing to share with future entrepreneurs?
LS: Get as much education as you can. Learn about various businesses and how successful ones are run. Study them. Each business is specific. A lot of times people get discouraged because they want to jump in and think, ‘I completed school. I’d like to get this job.’ Volunteer so you can see what the day-to-day duties and responsibilities are in a particular industry that you might be interested in. If you can’t get in that industry right away, volunteer at similar industries. Utilize as many resources as possible. Start finding different ways to speak to people that are in the particular industry that you want to be in. Conduct as many informational interviews as you can. Read as many resource materials as you can – trade magazines, as well as information on certain Chief Executive Officers (CEOs) or Chief Financial Officers (CFOs). Find out what’s going on with them. Look at what businesses are doing well in the stock market. Assess the pulse of the particular field that you want to go in. You want to find out what’s trending. Generally, people will talk about what they do. You might not get to shadow them because it may be a little too intrusive. If you gather bits of information here and there, you’ll find that you’ve got more than most.
NW: What is your future vision for Richmond, California?
LS: You remember when Pixar Animation Studios was here? I’d like to see another studio or something here – something of color though. I’d like to see more Black businesses. There’s a few, but there should be a lot more like it was in the time of my dad. I’d like to see more women-owned businesses. I’d like to see a Richmond School for the Arts and more entertainment venues. I once wanted to own a dinner show theater. I haven’t totally dismissed the thought. It would be nice to form a group or consortium for creative endeavors. It has crossed my mind several times. I might still do it. We have a lot of venues that are under-utilized. I think we could do a few more creative things in Richmond.
Images of John Stewart courtesy of Lydia Stewart
Images of Lydia Stewart courtesy of Carlos Wilborn, Photographer